The heart issue.

There was a time when I actually enjoyed writing blog posts. Then, the kids arrived and I sort of stopped exercising my brain. It involved too much thinking (lol!) and the last thing I wanted to do at night, after putting the boys down, was to look at the computer screen and write a post about wedding stuff.  yeah.. wedding STUFF… so much enthusiasm and love for my job, right?

2013 felt like I was always on the go whether it was rushing to a playdate, gymboree classes or running around working. And balancing motherhood and the business has gotten much harder now that Noah is a toddler.  Although Grant goes to preschool full-time, Noah is still at home with me all day with barely any help from either side of our parents.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE staying home with Noah, but it doesn't leave me much time for real work. I found myself complaining and whining that I wanted to quit this “wedding stuff.”  I came up with excuses (i.e. the wedding industry is competitive and snooty, my creative juices aren't flowing, I don't have the passion to continue and etc.)  

Last year, I booked almost the same amount of weddings as I would any other year but I didn't factor in the time I wanted to spend watching my two growing boys. And something was definitely suffering… my ATTITUDE.

I was burnt out trying to juggle everything that I had going on and my attitude clearly showed it. You probably didn't recognize it on my Instagram feed or my Facebook page, but I was complaining to people around me that I wanted to take a break from weddings and discover what I really love doing. Yeah… like I had something I loved doing other than sipping coffee and watching Korean drama. Haha! 

It all came back to the heart issue.  I didn't want to grow, learn, or be challenged as a person.  God gave me a special talent but I wanted to bury it because it required too much work and stress on my end. 

Then just last week, something happened. I won't share the story since it will be too long for this blog post and I might lose your attention, but it has definitely shed some light into my soul. 

My productivity looks different than someone with no kids, but that's ok. 

I may not be doing any wedding styled shoots or booking high end profile weddings, but that's ok.

I may have tricked myself into thinking I'm not progressing and that I’m falling behind, but that's ok.  

My everyday mundane sort of stuff may not be always exciting and amazing, but that's ok. 

At the end of the day, it's not just about accomplishments, reaching your dreams, how much you make, or how passionate you are about your job, it's about what God has entrusted us with and I need to stay faithful while doing it. Because ultimately… my job, kids, family, house or anything I *want to* claim as mine are not MINE, just a steward of God. 

So... to have a healthy attitude, I have decided only to book 6-7 weddings in 2014 and leave the rest to my associate coordinators (You'll get to learn more about them next month!)

Weddings will come and go but my kids won't stay this young forever… I would hate to be stretched too thin like last year and let my *evil* Esther take over me. 

Thank for reading my honest, personal post, and of course, I now leave you with some of my family portraits from last year because every blog post needs a picture ;) Thank you SO much Kevin Lee for graciously offering your talent! 

This is NOT the look I give my husband when he's home! Don't be fooled! ;) but he's my better half!  

Bald men get finer with age... :) 

our baby Simba!

 And last but not least, I would also like to thank our dear clients for entrusting me with their big day. You guys are one of the main sources of inspiration and I have gained so much out of our relationship, more than you can ever imagine.  Thank you for inspiring me and believing in me. 

My Bride Story from Ken Shin Films on Vimeo.

We are always honored when clients give us a huge shout out during their thank you speeches and this time, Ken Shin Films was right there to capture it. Here is a sweet shout out from Chi & Myles' wedding, which I will blog shortly!